Speak to Me

The only way MPs may address the chair of the Commons directly is through a POO or a Point of Order. Yesterday afternoon the chamber was knee-deep in POOs, Michael Martin must have been able to smell his moment in history, as the first deposed Speaker in 300 years.

Speaker Martin had lost his touch, such as it was and found himself making the speech he should have made last week including words of profound regret addressed to the whole country. He called Douglas 'Khazi' Carswell, the member who looks like a spitting image puppet and who had campaigned against the Speaker's tenure for some months. They argued on the technical point of whether his no confidence motion was substantive, requiring debate or merely an Early Day Motion which is simply a list of names supporting any subject under the sun.

Speaker Martin had to refer to the Clerk for clarification. He looked like an amateur, ill-prepared and bumbling. Disgruntled members now felt confident enough to heckle Martin like he was a dissolute magician whose every trick ending in confused failure.

David Winnick, with his unkempt white hair resembled a retired Hogwarts Professor, he repeatedly addressed Speaker as 'Sir' as he put the knife in. The actorial Richard Shepherd rose looking like a skeleton in a suit and was a lot more direct with his advice to the Speaker to depart forthwith.

Sir Patrick 'Paddy' Cormack made a slightly obscure reference to the Norway Debate which heralded the end of Chamberlain in 1940. In effect, it was an echo of an echo of Cromwell, "in the name of God, Go!"

So he took the hint and resigned today. There has already been a suggestion of Ann Widdecombe as an interim. There could not be a worse candidate in the whole House. It is time they gave it to a Lib-Dem so Minging Campbell would be the choice (please not Alan Beith). If it is Tory I would bet on Deputy Speaker Michael Lord. The job needs a huge amount of knowledge on procedure so often goes to a Deputy. Whoever it is I doubt we will miss much the plaintive Glaswegian call for 'Order' from soon to be plain old Mr Martin.