Now Hang on a Minute

There is worrying news filtering through the media today - Esther Rantzen is intending to stand as a Parliamentary candidate; this is perhaps the most disturbing development yet in the entire MPs expenses calamity.

Lynn Faulds-Wood of BBC's 'Wotch-Daaawg' has threatened similar intervention for the sake of the nation. Neither of them would seem, at first sight, to have the required patience for a 70-hour plus weekly workload, dealing with constituents' thoroughly mundane problems.

The obvious danger of a backlash against 'professional politicians' is adopting a US style admiration for candidates 'untainted by experience.' Looking on the bright side, Rantzen has said she wishes only to stand against Margaret 'dry-rot' Moran at the next election. The constituents of Luton South and the wider world need not fear the prospect of Esther's debut performance on the green benches just yet; Ms Moran is political toast. Mags's deselection is as imminent as another clutch of revelations of crimes and misdemenours by MPs in Aunty Telegraph.

Judging by today's 'scoops' the utterly knackered DT hacks seem to be running out of big front pagers. The stories on Bill Wiggin and James Purnell don't appear very robust. Many commentators have been journalistically blitzed by these abuses of power and have found it hard to respond with a strong coherent message for change. Even the Observer's formidable Andrew Rawnsley has struggled to narrow his aim with his usual eloquence, given so many targets worthy of scorn.

But the Guardian's Commentisfree editors made a worthy effort today to delineate the scope of issues needing radical reform if we, as a country, are to embrace a 'New Politics'. They have recruited an army of columnists, each assigned a huge subject such as PR, an elected second chamber or the small matter of a written constitution.

This is the arena where the public should derive a more workable and representative democracy from this chaos. Presenters of TV magazine programmes may be genuinely incensed by this scandal but restoring public trust in Parliamentary is a more complex process than exposing errant double-glazing salesmen.

Speak to Me

The only way MPs may address the chair of the Commons directly is through a POO or a Point of Order. Yesterday afternoon the chamber was knee-deep in POOs, Michael Martin must have been able to smell his moment in history, as the first deposed Speaker in 300 years.

Speaker Martin had lost his touch, such as it was and found himself making the speech he should have made last week including words of profound regret addressed to the whole country. He called Douglas 'Khazi' Carswell, the member who looks like a spitting image puppet and who had campaigned against the Speaker's tenure for some months. They argued on the technical point of whether his no confidence motion was substantive, requiring debate or merely an Early Day Motion which is simply a list of names supporting any subject under the sun.

Speaker Martin had to refer to the Clerk for clarification. He looked like an amateur, ill-prepared and bumbling. Disgruntled members now felt confident enough to heckle Martin like he was a dissolute magician whose every trick ending in confused failure.

David Winnick, with his unkempt white hair resembled a retired Hogwarts Professor, he repeatedly addressed Speaker as 'Sir' as he put the knife in. The actorial Richard Shepherd rose looking like a skeleton in a suit and was a lot more direct with his advice to the Speaker to depart forthwith.

Sir Patrick 'Paddy' Cormack made a slightly obscure reference to the Norway Debate which heralded the end of Chamberlain in 1940. In effect, it was an echo of an echo of Cromwell, "in the name of God, Go!"

So he took the hint and resigned today. There has already been a suggestion of Ann Widdecombe as an interim. There could not be a worse candidate in the whole House. It is time they gave it to a Lib-Dem so Minging Campbell would be the choice (please not Alan Beith). If it is Tory I would bet on Deputy Speaker Michael Lord. The job needs a huge amount of knowledge on procedure so often goes to a Deputy. Whoever it is I doubt we will miss much the plaintive Glaswegian call for 'Order' from soon to be plain old Mr Martin.

Ps and Qs at PQs

So farewell then Home Secretary, Jacqui Smith. She held her final Departmental questions yesterday before facing the inevitable boot down to Work and Pensions or Communities next month.

It was a strangely muted and rather empty session of HO questions, rather like an end of season match between two mid-division teams. No-one could get much of a steam up as the major event, the Speaker's statement, was to follow immediately after.

John Gummer, looking more and more like his own ghost, asked Home Sec why our signs at the borders were the "rudest" he had ever seen. Apparently immigration officials have seen fit to remove 'please' and 'thank you' from notices for those entering the country, obviously in line with our 'no-nonsense-tough-talking-approach' to keeping the buggers out.

Jacqui said, without irony, "the right hon. Gentleman makes an important point," and then went on to justify, in purely emotional terms, the decision to ban US 'shock jock' Michael Savage from UK.

The apt named Mr Savage incidentally has never expressed any desire to travel to the UK; to ban him from the country is like a spoilt girl at school, running round the playground, telling kids she doesn't know, they're not invited to her party.

John Stewart's Daily Show dealt with this official idiocy last week. Gets a bit silly.

http://www.thedailyshow.com/video/index.jhtml?videoId=226609&title=Battle-of-the-Banned

At times Jacqui seemed to be affecting a 'posh' accent, surely not preparing herself for elevation to the Lords? No, it was her trying out a new idiom.

She was never going to be much of a Home Secretary. Her decision to wear all black, today, was particularly apposite.

My Brother Died

The long line of excuses from MPs for items claimed on expenses has been extra-ordinary and sickening in equal measure. It's as if they're now trying to convince themselves because the public, not even a small proportion, is buying it.
'Lemsip' Opik, Lib-Dem spokesperson for Astronomy and Meteors, reached new depths of moral degradation yesterday. A well-known self-publicist and ego-maniac, Lemsip admitted the £40 tax summons he submitted as an expense was "probably" not allowed and then went as far as describing this outrage as "provisionally a mistake". But when asked by the Beeb why he had felt justified in submitting it in the first place he sighed, "my brother died...suddenly...I took my eye off the ball".

What? What? It was six months later. Opik really did use his bereavement for submitting this expense. Watch this great Zepellin of arrogance for yourself.
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/wales/mid/8047205.stm

Justice Minister, Shahid Malik was making a pretty robust defence of his actions this morning describing himself as," relaxed, content." He had been renting a house way below market rates and claimed up to the max on his 2nd home, filling it with other luxuries such as a £2,500 plasma TV. But two hours later he was told he should step down.

Neither Malik nor Elliott Morley were sacked by Brown and he continues to show precious little leadership allowing the Telegraph to dictate the entire agenda. Let us not forget Morely claiming £16K for a non-existent mortgage was prima facie fraud, worth at least two years in jug.

Brown's pitifully lame decision to delegate the review of claims to Member's Allowances Committee did not attract the contempt it deserved. First it will only assess whether the rules have been breached in invididual cases - hardly the point, John Maples was within the rules by claiming his Gentleman's Club as his main residence. Secondly the Chair of the Committee is Don Touhig who not only 'flipped' his house but organised backbenchers to vote against reform last July. It's like appointing Peter Doherty as the new Drug Czar.

MPs got a flavour of the nation's opprobrium on Question Time last night when the usually restrained British public began the serial booing of MPs. The Euro and local elections on 4 June will be historic, no-one has a clue what will happen but Labour should expect annihilation, Tories may fare a little better. When they see the numbers in black and white then they may just stir from this ethereal sense of superiority.

For Foulke's Sake

Baron 'George' Foulkes of Cumnock took to the airwaves and TV studios today to mount some vague and bitter defence of his old pal Speaker Martin and launch a pointless counter attack on the media over the expenses farrago.
It was probably his own idea; Foulkes captures the grubby, back-biting side of politics which the Government would not have chosen to have representing them at this difficult time. He began by berating Norman Baker MP on Radio 4 as if the general promise to 'fix the system' was sufficient to suppress all dissent.
His performance on BBC 24 a few minutes later, should have had No.10 comms unit on his mobile (if he has one) telling Foulkes to cease this media charade forthwith. When BBC newscaster, Carrie Gracie asked if MPs should pay some money back, all he could do was to turn his spiteful anger on her in a wholly 'ad feminam' manner'.
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk_politics/8045414.stm

Foulkes, still an MSP, has become a figure of fun north of the border. When a blogger started putting obviously spoof entries up about him, his reaction was to report the matter to the police. Not sure if the Constabulary in Ayrshire has a Blog Squad just yet.

Foulkes's manner is irksome at the best of times but his timing is atrocious. We are not pulling out of the worst of this scandal-of-scandals yet. If anything today's revelations are the worst so far. From the long list of staggering claims; Douglas Hogg had his moat cleared; James Arbuthnot had his swimming pool cleaned; Michael Spicer was paid for a chandelier to be installed, his claim for a Christmas tree was turned down.

But it's not all Conservatives. One exchange of correspodence with the Fees Office demonstrates the mental straight-jacket MPs got into over their entitlements. Labour's Tom Harris had £140 claim for baby equipment correctly refused, he responded testily, "perhaps you might be good enough to write to me explaining where my son should sleep next time he visits me in London." It obviously never entered his head that he might shell out the dosh for his son himself.

We are now at Day 5 and it is pretty gruelling at times just taking it all in. So far the focus has been on 50-60 frontbenchers and grandees. There are hundreds more excrutiating details to come from bankbenchers of all parties. Apologies have been forthcoming at least but no promise to pay anything significant back. All it would take would be one big act of remorse (millionaire Shaun Woodward's £100,000 mortgage payments would be a start) and the rest would be compelled to follow suit. So get on with it.

Role of Dishonour

Most MPs have now grasped the scale of the public's anger over their expense claims but I suspect the political storm still can still bring plenty of mayhem yet. The widespread nature of the avarice has perversely provided the guilty with a small degree of collective cover nationally but locally there is no hiding place. Even my timid local press felt emboldened to hammer John Gummer for the £9,090 he claimed for clearing moles and other critters from his Suffolk estate.

The lowlights over the weekend have included Luton South MP Margaret Moran claiming her second-home as a property in Southampton. Her defence that the house was necessary to "sustain her work" was not even substantial enough to describe as paper-thin.
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/mps-expenses/5305166/Margaret-Moran-claims-were-necessary-MPs-expenses.html

One of the biggest jaw-droppers came from massively wealthy Barbara Follett - not the £25k spent on security outside her Soho townhouse, but the £900 spent on insurance for her fine art paintings. Let's not forget Tory James Gray who claimed for a Remembrance Day wreath. Real classy, Jim.

Speaker Martin had the opportunity today to remind all Members of their duties to the public, to restore the integrity of the House etc. But instead he lost his temper with Norman Baker (pictured, pulling an honest pint) and Kate Hoey for suggesting that dragging the Met into Parliament again was bound to be waste of everyone's time. Martin's words to Baker who had actually raised a different point, "another member who is keen to say to the press what the press wants to hear" was particularly ill-judged. The Lib-Dems appear to be the only party who have displayed some degree of discipline over its members' expenses by ensuring their outer London members claim no second homes. Baker himself has led a lonely fight against the covetous and grasping MPs for some years.

In July, he spoke in favour of the comprehensive checking of members' expense claims, "to put audits on the same basis as other public bodies." Of course, the vote for strengthening controls was lost. Sir Patrick 'Curly' Cormack (Stafford) wanted at the time for the record to show, "the behaviour of the vast majority of members has been entirely proper". Oh, who could doubt it, Pat?

Don Touhig (Islwyn) asserted wildly such audits would cost, "millions of pounds" and would be a "waste of public money." He must be feeling a right Charlie now.

Naturally the party in power will suffer the most in public support from this catastrophic loss of trust in Parliament. The first opinion poll in MoS put Labour on 23%, their lowest ever poll in the history of polling. Even Michael 'Donkey Jacket' Foot scraped 29% in the 1983 election.

Phil 'Canute' Woolas was also singled out by Auntie Telegraph following his cack-handedness over the Gurkhas. His expense claim for nappies, kids comics and horrible wine was more pathetic than serial offending. However, unable to gauge the political temperature, as usual, he blamed the newspaper, calling the article "disgusting" and "actionable" based on information which was "stolen property".

Woolas exemplifies where Labour are now; impervious, defiant, arrogant, doomed.

House of Shame

When today's duty Press Officers entered No.10 for the first time, they probably did not envisage a day when he would be defending the PM over a plumbing invoice. The Daily Telegraph's first tranche of revelations over MPs claims for expenses was one of those truly jaw-dropping moments in politics. Journalistically they were, contrary to the protestations of Lord Mandy, entirely justified in focussing on members of Cabinet first. After all they are, at least in theory, in power and able to initiate reform. But they didn't.

Instead they got thoroughly stuck in. Hazel 'Gracie' Blears (pictured) popped up from behind her hedge in Salford this morning and said, with contrived candour, "I live here... and I have only ever had a small one-bedroomed flat in London". Then she bustled off without having the courage to answer any questions. The Telegraph's assertion that Blears had switched the designated second-home status back and forward from London to Manchester to claim a bomb in expenses rather shattered her image as an innocent, sentimental Lancashire lass. Her hard-pressed constituents are unlikely to swallow such patently, self-serving drivel.

The manifold reports, filling ten pages of broadsheet, exposed widespread yet not universal exploitation of the expenses system. Hillary Benn claimed about a piffling £140 of the maximum £24,000 second-homes allowance despite having a constituency in Leeds; his attitude only serves to highlight the unsated greed of his Cabinet colleagues. Benn must be under the impression a salary of £141,000 is quite adequate. Ed Milliband and Alan Johnson look equally monastic, certainly compared to NI Secretary Shaun Woodward. He claimed £100,000 in mortgage payments on his second home, hoping we would not recall the detail that he owns seven houses. Christ on a bike!

Brown gave the Beeb a 30-second interview and between several sickly grins, admitted the system was broke. His claims of over £6,500 for additional cleaning paid through his brother revealed a degree of nepotism together with hints of a disturbing obsession with hygiene. He's in it as deep as the rest and to blame the system is like a bunch of football hooligans decrying the glorification of violence.

They are all holding their breath for 24 hours as the focus will imminently fall on the Tories. In the meantime they simply repeat the mantra that all their claims are within the rules. Those same rules expect claims to be "beyond reproach" and demonstrate value for money. So much for that.

This is not even the end of the beginning. All we can be certain of is the public's anger will outlast their political careers.